I’m someone who tends to live in the future, I always get ahead of myself. For some reason I can never seem to wrap my head around the present. I couldn’t see it before but I see it now, that I was running away from change. I thought I accepted change with open arms or I convinced myself to think that. It was easy for me to run away from anything unpleasant because I was afraid of the negatives. But how can you appreciate the good without dealing with the bad.
It isn’t to say that having hopes and aspirations for the future is wrong but not to limit yourself to that scope alone.
The terrifying part of learning to live in the present is learning how to deal with emotions you’ve tried so hard to avoid. And while there’s no guarantee of what tomorrow brings I can only take it a day at a time. I have to come to terms with knowing that there will be days where I’ll be terrified, feeling anxious, about all the things that can go wrong. But it’s also those days I need to realize that there are situations I have no control of. It’s those moments where I know I’ll be in my head and not in the present. And as much as I dislike clichés at times, you’ve only go up after hitting rock bottom.
And once you start taking it a day at a time, you realize, it’s not the end of the world. That things maybe aren’t as bad as they seem. You’ll start to take in the world as it’s meant to be. Life is something you have to be present to experience and as much as I want to withdraw to retain some control over what happens, it’s not how life works.
It’s when you get out of your head and step outside, you get to experience things that you didn’t think you were capable of experiencing.
And that’s just a constant reminder I have to tell myself. That even if I’m scared and terrified of what the future holds that things will turn out alright.