Does that spark exist?

I’d like to think so. By spark I mean, in an instant you cross paths and your eyes meet, making your heart skip a beat. I think that only happened twice in my life. It’s actually kind of depressing, knowing that these moments are ever so rare. At least at first glance they are. It may be the foolish hopeless romantic in me for hoping for that spark but one can dream.

For some reason, the cynic in me tells me that I shouldn’t bother but the optimist in me tells me to go forth. If you want to find that “you know” feeling, there’s always a risk of getting hurt. It’s terrifying when feelings are involved. Are we chasing after an illusion of a spark? I wish I was “hopeless romantic” enough that I didn’t try to make logic out of feelings. It’s also why I don’t open up emotionally and can detach myself easily. Not sure if that’s something to wear with pride or hide from everyone.

Thing about feelings is that when you share emotional vulnerability, it’s the ultimate act of trust. People can do anything physically yet involving emotional depth to any physical act will make it more meaningful. And that’s the problem, most people are afraid of that. While it’ll provide an unparalleled high, the lows can bring you to a feeling worse than death (or so we feel). It’s also why we settle for mediocrity, because at least mediocrity won’t hurt us. At least not in the way that the “spark” would. It wouldn’t lead us into ecstacy the way the drugs let people feel that high and then feel our world crashing down.

Is it worth the risk?

That’s something that most of us are afraid of. What if it fails, what if it isn’t everything we hoped it would be? So we detach, we convince ourselves that feeling numb is better than the pain that would happen from taking a chance. Who doesn’t wish they didn’t get hurt? No one, but it’s those experiences that do shape us into the person we are. Drawing us closer to the magic moments that we’re secretly hoping for. Not the Disney romance but our own idealized version of what love is.

Someone, that even when it’s bad, it’s good.

And that’s all we can genuinely hope for. Is that magic, maybe not at first sight, but the magic that reminds us that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.