Before I thought happiness was a burst of positive emotions that would only be for a small amount of time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more a calm sensation that makes you smile every now and again. While happiness comes with the company one keeps, it shouldn’t be the only thing that defines it. In the past month, I’ve managed to come out a lot stronger than I thought I was. I also learned that no matter what, I have to retain my sense of individuality. I know where I make mistakes and that in itself is an accomplishment.

While our happiness shouldn’t rely on others, we fail to realize toxicity from others does affect our well-being in so many ways. There’s two types of negativity that people bring and I’ve learned to distinguish them by separating them into categories. The first type of negativity is when someone tries to put you down for no reason but to bring your spirits down. The other type of negativity isn’t negativity as much as concern where someone doesn’t want you to get your hopes down. The issue is that unless you’re putting yourself in life threatening situations it shouldn’t be a concern.

We only learn from life when we take big leaps without looking. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve managed to conquer my fear of heights and my next conquest is to learn how to dance. But on a more subconscious level my biggest conquest is to get over my anxiety of speaking about how I feel without worrying about what others think. I think that has been my biggest barrier with people.

While these problems may seem big at the moment, I know if I overcome them, it’ll lead to more happiness in my life.

I know that everything bad thing that happens can only be met by two reactions. To either stay stuck on something you can’t change or to learn from it. I used to dwell on things that weren’t in my control, which made me unhappy. Now I know that if I can’t learn from it or change it, then I have to move on. I can say that I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time because I’ve learned happiness relies on myself. Even if it means I have to be a little selfish, I’ll take that chance. I know that when I do that, I’ll attract positive people in my life. In some pseudo psychological way, the law of attraction works in that regard.

Work hard and you’ll get what you deserve. Be selfish if you feel you’re not a top priority in your life. The saying is true that you can’t make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy.

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Emotional unavailability

If there’s one excuse I’ll never get, it’s the emotional unavailability excuse. It’s the equivalent to “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. To find out what it means, I looked it up on Google and Urban Dictionary.

According to Urban Dictionary, to be emotionally unavailable is to create barriers to make someone feel unloved/unwanted.

While this probably isn’t what it means to be “emotionally unavailable” in depth, it DOES speak of the affect it has. Saying one is “emotionally unavailable” is a way of not owning up to your true emotions.
Thing is these emotionally unavailable people are looking for a cop out. But would hate if someone did that to them. They fail to realize the key to success in relationships is commination.

The issue is, those who claim to be “emotionally unavailable” know what it is, an excuse.

These excuses will sabotage any chances at a healthy relationship in the future. They expect honesty and respect yet aren’t willing to give it to anyone either. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that.
Emotionally unavailable people need to focus on not being in relationships unless they’re willing to be selfless. Being in a relationship means being selfless and caring about another person as an equal.
It isn’t to say be attached at the hip but care enough to be straightforward. Until they learn to stop shifting the blame for their shortcomings or indecisiveness, they should stay away from relationships. No one wants to feel discarded, so they should learn to treat others the way they’d like to be treated.

The TL;DR for this is, “emotionally unavailable” is an excuse instead of saying you’re not feeling it anymore. 

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I’ve been thinking about posting this for a long time and finally decided to do so. Now let’s talk about respect, a very necessary ingredient in any relationship (friendship, family or romance). From what I’ve observed is that while most people elicit respect in a familial or friendship level, very few do so with romance. While it isn’t obvious to the naked eye, there are minor signs where a person isn’t respected but we don’t see that until it’s too late.

Most people are so caught up in their perception of who the person “can be” rather than who they actually “are”.

We all tend to wear rose tinted glasses when we’re infatuated with someone. It’s also why once the “honeymoon stage” is over people tend to notice tiny behaviors they didn’t otherwise. We tend to gloss over unacceptable behaviors from people we care about because we want to believe they mean the best for us.

Behaviors that would be considered disrespectful are things like blaming a person for their emotional state or ghosting.

If there is respect, once you communicate your thoughts they will try to improve rather than shifting the blame.
Shifting the blame is the ultimate sign of disrespect. It means a person refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem that needs to be solved. However, in my experiences, it’s true respect must be earned otherwise others will abuse it.

If a person respects you, they will be straightforward even if it means that you’ll get hurt. While it may hurt, at least they value you enough to be honest with you. If there’s one thing to take away from this post is: without honesty or respect a relationship means nothing.

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I always thought it was only love if two people felt the same way about one another. I’ve learned that was bs.

I’m a passionate person, I’m not going to stop myself from feeling anymore. If it’s not crazy passionate, then is it worth it? I know how I want love and I want nothing short of intense. I tried to convince myself that the love I crave is rare. But why should it be? Who doesn’t want to feel someone wanting them the way they want them?

From this day on, I’m done settling for something that’s short of romantic.

Why should I let the world drag me down? I want to live life through the eyes of a romantic. I want to meet someone who feels the same way. Someone who will fight for love because if there’s one thing about this world is that no matter how much it sucks, Love is worth it. Everything can be mediocre but love shouldn’t be.

I want to love a person who has that mindset. That love should never be taken lightly that it should be the awe inspiring thing it is.
It won’t be about me alone though. I want to give my significant other the same amount, if not more, love than they can imagine. Love can’t be measured and one thing about it, is it’s the light of life. It keeps us going through our darkest days, it should never be something easily thrown out. And no matter how many times I get hurt, I’ll retain a lover’s spirit because the spirit of a lover resides in one element: hope. Hope is something that is a drug to me and I’m fucking addicted to it.

No matter how many times the world tries to take it from me, I’m going to continue searching for that something amazing. That feeling to receive and give without feeling cautious about if it’s too much or too little because there’s no set amount.

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Moments of Vulnerability

I’m an optimist, that’s something I probably don’t ever want to change about myself. Personally, it’s my optimism and endless amount of hope that keeps me sane. But with any positive trait there’s a few things to counteract it, for me it’s self doubt. I’d say my cynicism but that’s more a trait to bring me down to earth every now and again with reality. Can you be a cynical optimist? No idea, but if you can, I’m a prime example of one.

Anyhow back to the self doubt, there was a reason I wanted to deactivate my social media. The reason being that in human nature, we tend to compare ourselves to others and scrutinize where we are in comparison. It isn’t to say I’m not happy for those who achieve greatness because I really am happy for them. However, I start to wonder, when will it be my turn to get to where they are?

I know when I’m partaking in that behavior, the hard part is fighting the feeling. If I don’t fight the feeling, I’ll end up feeling horribly about where I am currently. The only way I overcome these feelings is reminding myself that everyone follows a different time frame in their life. And that when the time is right, everything will fall into place.

For now, I just have to step back and breathe to regain my train of thought in those moments.

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Winky faces/emoji creep me out

So there aren’t many things that bother me, except winky faces. They are the epitome of creepy. I mean who uses a winky face in real life while talking to someone? Imagine how weird that would look if someone were to do that to anyone. Now I’m someone who hates the winky emoji because it’s just outright creepy. Imagine someone saying through a text:

Person: Hey


Person: Hey 😉

Ew. That’s cringe worthy in my opinion. See how a winky face changes the whole context of the sentence? A simple hey can become something that’s suggestive all because of an emoji. Now there are many other emojis people can use to be animated if they really wanted to be animated individuals like the smiley face. But the winky face? Nope, never. It’s just something that should never go in a conversation if one wants to be taken seriously.

Yes. I have a personal vendetta against that emoji, it might be because I’ve had way too many creepy online experiences where people think they’re being cute by using the winky emoji when they’re not. Look, I like people as much as the next person (which isn’t a great example because I’m pretty sure a lot of people don’t like people but I digress!) but these emojis just make things weird and awkward for the person receiving them. While there is one other emoji that bothers me: I’m talking about you, sticking out tongue emoji, that isn’t the issue at hand. My issue is that we must all boycott the winky emoji. Unless you’re all about openly creepy, in which case, by all means embrace your inner creep, you creep!

I want to say I know that you winky face users mean well, but in most cases, you really don’t so I’m not going to say that. What I will say is, remember every time you use a winky face to someone who is kind of a stranger to you, their “are you a creep meter” goes off. Keep that in mind every time you use a winky emoji.

If you choose to wink in real life, sure you’ll look a little weird but you’ll just come off as weird and not as creepy.

Save lives, don’t use the winky emoji.


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Sometimes Space and Time is All I Need

If there’s something I need sometimes, it’s space and time.

I think some people equate me being an extrovert for me wanting to be around people all the time but that’s far from the truth. I’m someone who will eventually come to terms with things just give me two things and I swear I’ll be golden. Those two things would be space and time.

I don’t hate anyone, I just feel like I get exhausted dealing with everything that I need time to recuperate and figure out everything and put it in perspective. If someone were to force me to do anything, I would almost always do one thing and that is to simply not listen and do whatever the fuck I want. And honestly, I know how stubborn I can be sometimes. It’s not something I’m necessarily proud of but I know my own tendencies in my own personality.

That’s why if I disappear, it’s not you, it’s definitely me because I know that if I talk to someone when I’m in a sour mood I will almost definitely react in a volatile manner. However, if you give me time to just evaluate everything, I swear I will talk to you and we will be good friends. This case applies to all of my close friends, they understand that I won’t always respond but believe me if there’s an emergency or if they ever need a shoulder to lean on, I will always be there. I’ll be there for my friends if they need me because I care about them a lot.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself but give me space and time, and I will talk to you. Understand that I cannot simply be tending to everyone ALL the time because I do have other things to do and deal with.

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Enjoying The Single Life and Relationships

I’ve been meaning to write this post for quite a while. For some reason, it’s difficult for most to believe that a woman wants to be single. Personally, I hate the dating landscape because it seems forced. We all tend to only put our best foot forward not knowing what will commence afterwards. But that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. I enjoy being single because I don’t need a relationship to validate my self worth, I don’t think I necessarily need anyone to make me happy.

That’s also why I don’t get why some people jump from relationship to relationship but to each their own. If I were to get into a relationship, my significant other would they’re an addition to my life rather than someone I absolutely cannot live without. I feel like I’m a complete person on my own with or without someone by my side. I have enough fulfilling relationships (aka family and friends) in my life. If I were to date someone, they would just be an extension of my friends except with romance. That’s also why I prefer romances that bud out of friendship.

When women say they’re not looking for a relationship, some people think, “oh let me try harder, maybe they’ll end up liking me through persistence.” To which I STRONGLY disagree with because NO ONE can force a relationship or feelings of any sort. No matter how much someone may cry, pout or throw tantrums NOTHING is going to come out of it besides eventually getting annoyed with the person.

I will agree that when women say they’re not looking for a relationship they mean one of two things: a) they’re not interested in you OR b) they REALLY don’t want to be in a relationship. (However, for the most part I think about 95% of the time, it’s definitely option 1, that we’re not interested.) If a woman does end up in a relationship, do not take it out on her saying that she led you on. When in reality she didn’t give any hint of her being interested. The issue with her directly telling a guy that she’s not interested is that sometimes a guy will end up taking it as a “let me try harder, maybe she’ll like me” or react in a volatile fashion.

While this can apply to both genders, this does happen with women more commonly.

I am certain that no one would appreciate it if someone was trying to force them into a relationship they don’t want to be in.

And THAT is why I wrote this post.

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