Circumstances

It’s insane how easily things can change in a small period of time. I learned more about myself in a matter of two weeks in 2017 compared to 2016. (I’ve yet to write that post about “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and I will!) Anyway, so much is going on. But busy is a bullshit excuse unless you have the proof for it. I’ve learned so much about people in my life than I ever did before.

Lessons I learned from the Internet AND people. Actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words. Someone can say they care for you but if they make no effort, it’s shows how much of a priority you are. If someone makes you feel crazy, then step away. You may not be able to control other people’s actions BUT you can control how much influence they have in your life. I learned that the hard way. If someone makes you feel insane then maybe it’s best that they’re not present in your life.

As you get older, it’s kind of depressing how few people you’ll actually have a connection with. But you do learn to value those close to you. However, life happens, people change. I will forever appreciate those who make time for me.

You show where people stand in your life by showing how much effort you put into maintaining contact with them.

It really comes down to that. It’s easy to find people who’ll be there for you during easy times but finding people who accept your flaws. It took me forever to realize who’s good company. Something I struggled with people about personally, was setting boundaries with people. I was one who would wear my heart on my sleeve around all the wrong sorts of people. Whenever someone pushed me away I would chase harder. I think that’s human nature to some extent. But if someone pushes you away, you can either make yourself seem desperate for their attention. Or you can gather yourself together and accept their behaviors for their face value. Not to make excuses but to stand up for your own self worth.

We can keep searching for approval but if we can’t be ourselves around the ones we care about then are they really there for us. It’s hard being vulnerable especially since everyone wants to be “strong.” But we’re humans and we do experience times of vulnerability. And the people who are there for us when we’re an emotional mess are the ones who are truly valuable.

Every day should be a day to learn more about yourself. And for someone who has difficultly with resolutions, I think I’m doing pretty well. At least with the resolution that matters and that’s to take care of myself first,

And for once in my life I can say I’m pretty damn content with where I am. Things may not be perfect and I’m nowhere close to where I want to be but socially, I’m grateful for the people I consider close to me.

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Overwhelmed

I tend to overwhelm myself emotionally from time to time. It isn’t that I don’t want to live an emotionally exuberant life. It’s just that whenever I do want to experience everything, it gets a bit frustrating for me to handle. That’s natural though isn’t it?  The thing about wanting to experience everything is that I become overwhelmed. It’s easy to experience life when you can step away from something and observe it objectively. The harder task is to actually involve yourself emotionally and immerse yourself in it. I have no idea what I’m going on about with this post but here I am writing it.

I’ve been attempting to adapt the whole “let yourself feel” mentality. That’s something that’s hard for me to do considering that I’m the queen of running away from negativity. I’m the kind of person who believes in not letting anyone see your bad side. The kind of person who always tries to remain positive all the time no matter what.

And truthfully it’s far easier to pretend everything is okay instead of looking back and saying, “wow, everything is not okay.”

Pretending to be optimistic all the time is something that’s a kind of a high. (Yet again referencing that wonderful book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”.) Truth is I’m acknowledging that I’m hiding behind these positive emotions as a coping mechanism. Albeit an unhealthy mechanism because I know I’m running away from acknowledging that there is a problem.

(Also thank you, thank you, thank you Yoast for your readability analysis. I know I struggle with using passive voice in my writing and this plug-in has worked wonders for me!)

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I’m trying hard to immerse myself in feeling upset or any negative emotion because I shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling. The reason why I want to be able to not run away from these emotions is because I want to find the cause of it. Negative emotions are there for a reason, to let you know there is something that isn’t right. That change needs to be implemented. Obviously, we can’t control our external environments but we can try our best to learn to find the root of these emotions and whether or not they’re going to bring positive change. Positive emotions are an outcome of overcoming events. They’re rewards for our behavioral changes and whatnot.

I need to take some time away, reevaluate what’s working and what’s not. If something isn’t working, then I need to figure out what should be done. That is after all the whole purpose of self-care and self-help. I also need to remember that my problems aren’t unique or the end of the world, because problems come and go. That’s also why it’s sometimes healthier to just take a step back and breathe.

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Hoarding

I have the tendency to hoard. Not material things but more like keeping anyone I get in contact with in my life. Hoarding isn’t something I’m proud of because I know it’s unhealthy. I think I hoard people because I want to remain on good terms with everyone. Truth is, you can never be on good terms with everyone. Also that the quote that went something like “if you try to make everyone happy, you’ll only make yourself miserable,” is true. It isn’t to say that people are selfish but in order to succeed you have to put yourself first.

While I’m someone who is/was a people pleaser, the reality of the world is that being a people pleaser only hurts you. How I plan on overcoming that, is learning to prioritize where to place my care and energy. Now prioritizing stuff is hard, especially when you’re completely content with your situation. No matter how much you want things to remain positive, if you try to avoid the negative, it will bite you in the ass at some point. It hurts, cutting people out of my life because I REALLY do want to be on good terms with everyone. But I also know it pains me to keep some people because of the memories associated with them. And do we need a constant reminder of what went wrong? I don’t think so. It’s also of no help keeping negative people around no matter how long you’ve known them.

The problem with cutting people you know for a while is you end up feeling bad about it.

Even when you know it’s beneficial for your own wellbeing. I hate how much importance is placed on social media but it is important to many, including myself. And I hate the fact that I place value on it. It’s also why I don’t add people I’m seeing on social media because I don’t want them to know about my life. I’ll only add someone on social media is if they’re committed to me. Is it irrational? Who knows, but I know what works for me. I think what scares me about cutting people out of my life is that if they seem to notice, what will I tell them? How will I confront them about it and even thinking about that gives me anxiety. But then I have to remind myself that I don’t have to keep anyone in my life if I don’t want to.

2016 was a year I learned what works and what doesn’t work. And even though I feel the compulsive need to be on everyone’s good side, I have to stop myself. Because at the end of the day, no matter who you are, we all have to take care of ourselves first. And that is going to be hard to do when you give all the fucks in the world about what people think BUT it’s a journey well worth going through.

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New Years Resolutions and All That Stuff

I personally love New Years because it gives that illusion that we have a clean slate. I personally love any shot at being able to start things anew. But I’ve also learned to adapt that mind into every day. For instance, every new day is a chance at something new, why use New Years as a motivation (just like EVERYONE else). But why not, right? I honestly don’t care if people hate that whole “new year, new me” stuff. Who the hell are they to judge anyway?

Anyway, I’m a list hoarder. I have so many lists from taking notes from random articles but one that struck me as something I should do was 20 Things You Should Do In Your 20s.

20 Things You Should Do In Your 20s:

  1. Learn how to dance (I kinda took one lesson in tango but I think I’ll actually pursue it more consistently.)
  2. Attend a popular event (did that already with Warped)
  3. Do something crazy (Does trapeezing count? I think so)
  4. Go on a road trip
  5. Travel the world
  6. Volunteer (I did in the past but I need to get back on it. Namely volunteering at animal shelters hopefully!)
  7. Train for a marathon
  8. Join a team
  9. Find your own home (Don’t know how but I’ll figure it out.)
  10. Really connect with your family
  11. Write a letter to yourself
  12. Learn a new language
  13. Determine life goals (Working on it!)
  14. Determine your passion
  15. Get rid of debt
  16. Spend time with friends
  17. Point your finger on a map & go there (yet again same as traveling the world I think.)
  18. Travel alone
  19. Go offline for a week (This is what I’m partaking in right now by posting all my articles ahead of time.)
  20. Dedicate one full day to doing nice things for people.

While there’s that list there of things you should do in your 20s, I think my main goal for this year is be consistent with my work. Mark Manson in his book “The Art of Not Giving a F*ck” wrote about the Do Something Principle: Action, Inspiration, Motivation. More often than not, we have to feel inspired, then we get motivated to pursue our actions. Which in reality, is all mood based and won’t help us get *much* done. However, if we adapt the Do Something Principle, although we may not be in the mood of doing whatever work, we will more often than not find inspiration from just doing.

(More in depth about the Do Something Principle)

So my resolution is:

To live a more fulfilling life by instead of overthinking, it’s just to do something and work towards achieving my goals. To accept the fact that NOTHING is CERTAIN and that uncertainty is a part of life that helps us grow and move forward.

On a side note: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is one of the MOST important books I’ve come across. I will shamelessly promote that book since it’s helped me SO much. Also check out his site: MarkManson.net. I love his work that much. Anyway more on his book in my next post because I really want to put up a review of his book and the best points of his book that helped me personally.

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Experimentation

I’ve been putting off so much reading that needs to be done. The books I read for the most part are psychology books though. So now my goals are to implement what I learn and see how I can move forward with newer mindsets. Here’s to hoping that 2017 will be more of a learning experience than 2016 was. Also to 2017 leading to a more fulfilling life that I’m content with!

Now the books I’m finally going to finish are:

  1. All of my Robert Greene books
  2. E^2 by Pamela Grout
  3. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
  4. The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris
  5. Give and Take by Adam Grant (this one William recommended to me)
  6. The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday (this one was recommended by my friend Mark)
  7. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
  8. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig (I’ve heard about this book A LOT)
  9. #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso
  10. Freakonomics by Steven Levitt
  11. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
  12. On Writing by Stephen King

As one could see, I’m huge on self improvement/psychology books.

However the for fun/fiction/autobiography books I plan on reading are:

  1. This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz
  2. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
  3. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
  4. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
  5. Yes, Please by Amy Poehler
  6. Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

Ahhh I have so much to do but here’s to 2017 being a better year.

Also that I’m going to finish my books (which I know I’ve been saying forever but soon!)

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Taking it day by day

I’m someone who tends to live in the future, I always get ahead of myself. For some reason I can never seem to wrap my head around the present. I couldn’t see it before but I see it now, that I was running away from change. I thought I accepted change with open arms or I convinced myself to think that. It was easy for me to run away from anything unpleasant because I was afraid of the negatives. But how can you appreciate the good without dealing with the bad.

It isn’t to say that having hopes and aspirations for the future is wrong but not to limit yourself to that scope alone.

The terrifying part of learning to live in the present is learning how to deal with emotions you’ve tried so hard to avoid. And while there’s no guarantee of what tomorrow brings I can only take it a day at a time. I have to come to terms with knowing that there will be days where I’ll be terrified, feeling anxious, about all the things that can go wrong. But it’s also those days I need to realize that there are situations I have no control of. It’s those moments where I know I’ll be in my head and not in the present. And as much as I dislike clichés at times, you’ve only go up after hitting rock bottom.

And once you start taking it a day at a time, you realize, it’s not the end of the world. That things maybe aren’t as bad as they seem. You’ll start to take in the world as it’s meant to be. Life is something you have to be present to experience and as much as I want to withdraw to retain some control over what happens, it’s not how life works.

It’s when you get out of your head and step outside, you get to experience things that you didn’t think you were capable of experiencing.

And that’s just a constant reminder I have to tell myself. That even if I’m scared and terrified of what the future holds that things will turn out alright.

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A Long Way

I’ve come a long way from the beginning of this month. From being in the depths of sorrow and depression, I’m far happier now. It’s always after bad experiences that you learn the most about yourself. Even though those moments suck, they really do shape how you take on future experiences. I wanted to cry all the time and wanted to sleep all the time but I’m in a far better place than I was before any of this stuff happened. While I’m not going to go into depth as to what made everything far better. I will say that stepping out of my comfort zone has helped A LOT.

However, taking that first step is the hardest step you can take.

That’s the tough part about embracing change is taking that step. Change doesn’t happen passively, you have to actively seek out the change you seek. While I haven’t drastically changed to the ideal version of myself it does help when you’re surrounded by people who help you. I think the other part of changing your life is having those who are willing to help you pick up yourself after various shitty situations. The good thing about shitty situations is that you learn who is truly of good help or not and for that I’m forever grateful.

I’m terrified of change but I’m also excited about what the future holds. I know that it’s gonna be a long road to reaching the idealized version of myself. However, once you hit rock bottom you can only go up. *Optimism woo!*

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Hope

I need to remind myself every now and again, that hope will get me through everything. Even when I’m at rock bottom, things will turn out alright. I need to stop letting negative thoughts ruminate in my head. Anxiety is one hell of a horrible thing but I can’t let it control me. Which is also why I’m taking the time to disconnect. Not only from social media but from everything and possibly even everyone just to be selfish every once in a while.

My life shouldn’t revolve around others. I’ve always been a firm believer in that if I’m with someone they’re an addition to my life not a necessity.

I tend to forget that sometimes and become overwhelmed with my own obsessions, if you will. So if I’m not there give me time. And while I’m on the subject of time, I need to give other people time. I seem to forget that others might need some time away from me as much as I may need time away from everyone else.

I know there are things I need to work on in regards to myself. Hardships happen, they’re a part of life. I need to learn that there are things that I can’t control. Until I learn how to fully accept that I don’t think I can ever be happy. So here’s to a journey of self fulfillment.

All I need to remember is there’s always hope. If my hope help me overcome the tough times then I’ll succeed in surviving and overcoming every obstacle.

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Yet Again

It’s been ages since I’ve written in my blog. I promised myself that I would be more consistent with this. But alas, I was not true to my word. Bullet journaling is great if you can keep up with it. My issue was that I haven’t been great with my time management. I’m trying to figure out what works for me in that regard. I have however been working on writing portfolios and whatnot!

I’ve been meaning to work on my New Yorker blog and I should be doing that so maybe some time next week I’ll get on that too. As of now I’m still struggling with making time for things that help with my career. I’m almost done with one book and I’ll probably finish that by the end of this week too.

There was however, great news! I became published on Thought Catalog! And that was exciting hopefully I’ll be putting out more articles on there too!

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Happiness

Before I thought happiness was a burst of positive emotions that would only be for a small amount of time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more a calm sensation that makes you smile every now and again. While happiness comes with the company one keeps, it shouldn’t be the only thing that defines it. In the past month, I’ve managed to come out a lot stronger than I thought I was. I also learned that no matter what, I have to retain my sense of individuality. I know where I make mistakes and that in itself is an accomplishment.

While our happiness shouldn’t rely on others, we fail to realize toxicity from others does affect our well-being in so many ways. There’s two types of negativity that people bring and I’ve learned to distinguish them by separating them into categories. The first type of negativity is when someone tries to put you down for no reason but to bring your spirits down. The other type of negativity isn’t negativity as much as concern where someone doesn’t want you to get your hopes down. The issue is that unless you’re putting yourself in life threatening situations it shouldn’t be a concern.

We only learn from life when we take big leaps without looking. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve managed to conquer my fear of heights and my next conquest is to learn how to dance. But on a more subconscious level my biggest conquest is to get over my anxiety of speaking about how I feel without worrying about what others think. I think that has been my biggest barrier with people.

While these problems may seem big at the moment, I know if I overcome them, it’ll lead to more happiness in my life.

I know that everything bad thing that happens can only be met by two reactions. To either stay stuck on something you can’t change or to learn from it. I used to dwell on things that weren’t in my control, which made me unhappy. Now I know that if I can’t learn from it or change it, then I have to move on. I can say that I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time because I’ve learned happiness relies on myself. Even if it means I have to be a little selfish, I’ll take that chance. I know that when I do that, I’ll attract positive people in my life. In some pseudo psychological way, the law of attraction works in that regard.

Work hard and you’ll get what you deserve. Be selfish if you feel you’re not a top priority in your life. The saying is true that you can’t make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy.

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