Fixation

I’m back from the dead!

This week has been all sorts of craziness and productiveness. Started a few books/almost finished with them. I forgot to upload a video blog but tomorrow hopefully! In order to catch up for the lack of posts this week, I’ll be posting daily for the next two weeks.

So this post is about fixating on things. Usually I let my anxiety get the best of me and fixate on things out of my control. However, this time I’m fixating on something healthy. Which is to better myself and push myself out of my tiny bubble. This is more of an update post but I’m also going to post something else along with this blog post.

I ended up taking a goal setting/accountability course, courtesy of One Month because I took a few coding classes online with them. I have kind of a love hate relationship with web development. It tends to be really tedious which makes it frustrating at time though, which explains the *dislike* part about it.

Anyway, the course for goal setting was super helpful in that it taught me to narrow down my goals into more achievable tiny goals. 

So goals for this year?

  • Publish my books
  • Blog consistently
  • Finish these Udemy courses I have
  • Become a somewhat proficient web developer
  • Fully immerse myself in freelance writing
  • Submit a few personal essays to reputable sites
  • Travel outside of NYC
  • Finish reading every book on my Kindle

I think those are attainable goals. So now my ultimate fixation is on myself rather than on situations that are out of my control. Here’s to hoping for a better future!

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Overwhelmed

I tend to overwhelm myself emotionally from time to time. It isn’t that I don’t want to live an emotionally exuberant life. It’s just that whenever I do want to experience everything, it gets a bit frustrating for me to handle. That’s natural though isn’t it?  The thing about wanting to experience everything is that I become overwhelmed. It’s easy to experience life when you can step away from something and observe it objectively. The harder task is to actually involve yourself emotionally and immerse yourself in it. I have no idea what I’m going on about with this post but here I am writing it.

I’ve been attempting to adapt the whole “let yourself feel” mentality. That’s something that’s hard for me to do considering that I’m the queen of running away from negativity. I’m the kind of person who believes in not letting anyone see your bad side. The kind of person who always tries to remain positive all the time no matter what.

And truthfully it’s far easier to pretend everything is okay instead of looking back and saying, “wow, everything is not okay.”

Pretending to be optimistic all the time is something that’s a kind of a high. (Yet again referencing that wonderful book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”.) Truth is I’m acknowledging that I’m hiding behind these positive emotions as a coping mechanism. Albeit an unhealthy mechanism because I know I’m running away from acknowledging that there is a problem.

(Also thank you, thank you, thank you Yoast for your readability analysis. I know I struggle with using passive voice in my writing and this plug-in has worked wonders for me!)

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I’m trying hard to immerse myself in feeling upset or any negative emotion because I shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling. The reason why I want to be able to not run away from these emotions is because I want to find the cause of it. Negative emotions are there for a reason, to let you know there is something that isn’t right. That change needs to be implemented. Obviously, we can’t control our external environments but we can try our best to learn to find the root of these emotions and whether or not they’re going to bring positive change. Positive emotions are an outcome of overcoming events. They’re rewards for our behavioral changes and whatnot.

I need to take some time away, reevaluate what’s working and what’s not. If something isn’t working, then I need to figure out what should be done. That is after all the whole purpose of self-care and self-help. I also need to remember that my problems aren’t unique or the end of the world, because problems come and go. That’s also why it’s sometimes healthier to just take a step back and breathe.

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Love and All That BS

I’ve been working on this post for a while trying to gather my thoughts on what I feel love is. Obviously this post is going to be subjective but here goes.

Love is something where I feel I can be optimistic about yet cynical about. It isn’t to say that I don’t want to “fall in love” but let’s be honest here. “Falling in love” is hard to do. You have to find the right person and more often than not you’ll fall for the wrong person. I feel like a downer when I write about love but I’m skeptical about it. Maybe it’s because I’ve never experienced love in a romantic sense. I’ve felt strong infatuation but never love in the sense where I feel like it’s the end of the world. And truthfully, even infatuation hurts like hell when you’re the only one reciprocating feelings.

This concept of romantic love for some reason is supposed to be this thing you feel you live for. Maybe it is, but I’m cynical, I just feel like as much as we romanticize love it isn’t always going to be that way. I realized that love comes in many shapes and forms. What works for your friends and family won’t necessarily work for you. Thing is we’re all told that if you don’t have a certain brand of love you haven’t lived.

But that also limits us from really experiencing the love that may be right for us.

I have the tendency to compare what love is seeing how the people in my life experience their relationships even though I know everyone is different. While I consider myself a hopeless romantic, I think I’m more of a hopeless romantic in the sense of friendship. But it’s difficult in that situation, I want a natural ease of conversation, someone I can chill with and just enjoy their company. See thing is I believe romantic gestures mean so much more when you’re comfortable with someone and you both reciprocate the feeling.

I had a post from a long while back which touched upon the proximity of love. It was based on the whole Jess/Nick slash CeCe/Schmidt and Ted/Robin conundrum from New Girl and HIMYM. It was on how sometimes the people we find ourselves spending the most time with are the ones we end up falling for. And the reason I bought these examples up was because personality wise they’re really incompatible but because of how much time they spend with one another they grow to care for each other. While this isn’t the case all the time it does happen. It’s also why I feel the best relationships form out of being friends with someone. You get to see a person with their flaws and all and still want to be around them.

But obviously there has to be a decision for both of them to decide their feelings for one another, otherwise it’s just unrequited love.

All in all, it’s why I think the best relationships come out of friendships because you know how the person is. It isn’t to say dating isn’t necessarily ineffective. However, with something like friendship and attraction in the mix it can lead to something that’s more likely to work. In dating, we all put on these facades of who we are to impress the other person. While when romance grows organically it comes to be something bigger than that (at least how I see it).

Romantic gestures always mean more when you know a person compared to when you don’t.

And romantic gestures don’t have to be grandiose. But everyone has their perspective of what ideal love is. I don’t consider myself to be a romantic person in regards to how people show off on Facebook/social media or the movies. But I do consider myself romantic in that if I’m with someone I genuinely care about. They’ll be the one I’ll fight the world for. And in that regard I am a lover and a fighter because I don’t think I’d give up on love that easily.

 

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Hoarding

I have the tendency to hoard. Not material things but more like keeping anyone I get in contact with in my life. Hoarding isn’t something I’m proud of because I know it’s unhealthy. I think I hoard people because I want to remain on good terms with everyone. Truth is, you can never be on good terms with everyone. Also that the quote that went something like “if you try to make everyone happy, you’ll only make yourself miserable,” is true. It isn’t to say that people are selfish but in order to succeed you have to put yourself first.

While I’m someone who is/was a people pleaser, the reality of the world is that being a people pleaser only hurts you. How I plan on overcoming that, is learning to prioritize where to place my care and energy. Now prioritizing stuff is hard, especially when you’re completely content with your situation. No matter how much you want things to remain positive, if you try to avoid the negative, it will bite you in the ass at some point. It hurts, cutting people out of my life because I REALLY do want to be on good terms with everyone. But I also know it pains me to keep some people because of the memories associated with them. And do we need a constant reminder of what went wrong? I don’t think so. It’s also of no help keeping negative people around no matter how long you’ve known them.

The problem with cutting people you know for a while is you end up feeling bad about it.

Even when you know it’s beneficial for your own wellbeing. I hate how much importance is placed on social media but it is important to many, including myself. And I hate the fact that I place value on it. It’s also why I don’t add people I’m seeing on social media because I don’t want them to know about my life. I’ll only add someone on social media is if they’re committed to me. Is it irrational? Who knows, but I know what works for me. I think what scares me about cutting people out of my life is that if they seem to notice, what will I tell them? How will I confront them about it and even thinking about that gives me anxiety. But then I have to remind myself that I don’t have to keep anyone in my life if I don’t want to.

2016 was a year I learned what works and what doesn’t work. And even though I feel the compulsive need to be on everyone’s good side, I have to stop myself. Because at the end of the day, no matter who you are, we all have to take care of ourselves first. And that is going to be hard to do when you give all the fucks in the world about what people think BUT it’s a journey well worth going through.

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New Years Resolutions and All That Stuff

I personally love New Years because it gives that illusion that we have a clean slate. I personally love any shot at being able to start things anew. But I’ve also learned to adapt that mind into every day. For instance, every new day is a chance at something new, why use New Years as a motivation (just like EVERYONE else). But why not, right? I honestly don’t care if people hate that whole “new year, new me” stuff. Who the hell are they to judge anyway?

Anyway, I’m a list hoarder. I have so many lists from taking notes from random articles but one that struck me as something I should do was 20 Things You Should Do In Your 20s.

20 Things You Should Do In Your 20s:

  1. Learn how to dance (I kinda took one lesson in tango but I think I’ll actually pursue it more consistently.)
  2. Attend a popular event (did that already with Warped)
  3. Do something crazy (Does trapeezing count? I think so)
  4. Go on a road trip
  5. Travel the world
  6. Volunteer (I did in the past but I need to get back on it. Namely volunteering at animal shelters hopefully!)
  7. Train for a marathon
  8. Join a team
  9. Find your own home (Don’t know how but I’ll figure it out.)
  10. Really connect with your family
  11. Write a letter to yourself
  12. Learn a new language
  13. Determine life goals (Working on it!)
  14. Determine your passion
  15. Get rid of debt
  16. Spend time with friends
  17. Point your finger on a map & go there (yet again same as traveling the world I think.)
  18. Travel alone
  19. Go offline for a week (This is what I’m partaking in right now by posting all my articles ahead of time.)
  20. Dedicate one full day to doing nice things for people.

While there’s that list there of things you should do in your 20s, I think my main goal for this year is be consistent with my work. Mark Manson in his book “The Art of Not Giving a F*ck” wrote about the Do Something Principle: Action, Inspiration, Motivation. More often than not, we have to feel inspired, then we get motivated to pursue our actions. Which in reality, is all mood based and won’t help us get *much* done. However, if we adapt the Do Something Principle, although we may not be in the mood of doing whatever work, we will more often than not find inspiration from just doing.

(More in depth about the Do Something Principle)

So my resolution is:

To live a more fulfilling life by instead of overthinking, it’s just to do something and work towards achieving my goals. To accept the fact that NOTHING is CERTAIN and that uncertainty is a part of life that helps us grow and move forward.

On a side note: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is one of the MOST important books I’ve come across. I will shamelessly promote that book since it’s helped me SO much. Also check out his site: MarkManson.net. I love his work that much. Anyway more on his book in my next post because I really want to put up a review of his book and the best points of his book that helped me personally.

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Week long hiatus?

I always say that I’m going to try these things yet, I never actually follow through with them. Hopefully this time around I do though. I think 2016 put a lot in perspective for me. While there were a lot of bad experiences, it’s those bad experiences that shaped me as a person. Sure feeling broken sucks, but picking yourself up after those times are the most rewarding. We’re always on a conquest to figure out what we want or how we expect our lives to be. Not that there’s anything wrong with ambition because obviously there isn’t. But what this year taught me more than anything is, is that nothing is certain. The more we try to achieve or gain certainty the farther away from happiness or any sense of security we get.

I finished listening to The Art of Not Giving a Fuck and it really impacted me. Impacted me so much so I decided on rereading it, highlighting, and writing down all the things I find necessary. The scary part about the book is that it addresses a reality we all will face no matter what. And that reality is, is that we’re all going to die. While this is the obvious truth, it’s something we don’t think about. We try to distract ourselves from it and ultimately that stops us from leaving a legacy that proves beneficial for the world ahead of us.

I have to stop myself before I go too much into it because I’m leaving that for another blog post on the book itself.

Back to 2016 stuff

My new year’s goal for the first week is going to be to reflect on what improved in my life and what I can improve on. Ultimately, I want to take a week to reflect on myself.

As we grow older, we can either embrace change or do everything in our power to stop it. But if we stop ourselves from experiencing change we limit ourselves to experiences too. It isn’t to say that we shouldn’t aim for a life of comfort, but we should accept the fact that change is inevitable. We should always strive to keep an open mind but understandably it’s very difficult to do. (All these thoughts are to some extent or another mentioned in Manson’s book as well!)

So what does this have to do with going on a week long hiatus? Easy, with this break I get to reassess what I consider things I give a fuck about. Social media is great, it really is. BUT it’s also one of the biggest distractions we have. I want to become a successful author. Writing is my passion but I can’t do that when I’m on Facebook, Instagram or even Twitter. Unless I learn how to manage my time better (which I will learn soon enough), these social sites stop me from achieving my goals. And yes I know it’s easy to spread the blame when it comes into my lack of consistency. I have so many ideas that I’ve been meaning to work on and get to them because what makes me happiest is knowing that I’m capable of putting out something I love.

With this week off, I hope to achieve some sense of serenity away from anyone and everyone.

The people I consider close to me, know how to contact me so being away from social media shouldn’t be too hard. Well here goes nothing. (My blog will be posting articles though as I do want to be consistent with my writing!) Also I have a lot of ideas. Anyhow!

May everyone’s 2017 be an amazing year filled with joy and opportunity!

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Experimentation

I’ve been putting off so much reading that needs to be done. The books I read for the most part are psychology books though. So now my goals are to implement what I learn and see how I can move forward with newer mindsets. Here’s to hoping that 2017 will be more of a learning experience than 2016 was. Also to 2017 leading to a more fulfilling life that I’m content with!

Now the books I’m finally going to finish are:

  1. All of my Robert Greene books
  2. E^2 by Pamela Grout
  3. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
  4. The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris
  5. Give and Take by Adam Grant (this one William recommended to me)
  6. The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday (this one was recommended by my friend Mark)
  7. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
  8. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig (I’ve heard about this book A LOT)
  9. #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso
  10. Freakonomics by Steven Levitt
  11. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
  12. On Writing by Stephen King

As one could see, I’m huge on self improvement/psychology books.

However the for fun/fiction/autobiography books I plan on reading are:

  1. This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz
  2. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
  3. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
  4. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
  5. Yes, Please by Amy Poehler
  6. Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

Ahhh I have so much to do but here’s to 2017 being a better year.

Also that I’m going to finish my books (which I know I’ve been saying forever but soon!)

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