Before I used to think that timing made no difference in finding the “right” person. But my opinion has changed on that. Sometimes because of timing, two people who are perfect for one another have to grow individually before they can come together. While there’s this whole concept of “the right person will come regardless of the time”, sometimes that isn’t the case.

What if you have to grow as a person?

What if it’s that person who has to grow? I’m not advocating waiting around. What I am saying is sometimes circumstances stop the right people from meeting or getting together. Maybe it’s foolish of me to hold on to this belief but I do believe there are plenty cases of such.

Sometimes it takes time apart for people to realize that they’re perfect for one another. Sometimes it takes meeting other people in between to make them realize the same truths.

Truth is nothing in life is ever set in stone.

We take chances hoping for the best but sometimes there’s that something that keeps us looking back. Something you just can’t let go. And as much as I hate looking back as I’m a firm believer as what’s in the past should remain there, sometimes that isn’t the case.

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I’ve got so much that I’ve yet to do but I’ll have it up soon. I have a new book coming out by the end of the year (aka next weekend). I’ve also yet to start a podcast/vlog series coming out soon. Hopefully by this weekend I’ll have a vlog out. As far as the podcast goes, I will probably have that out sometime next year. But I will have the NYC blog up and running by this weekend.

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Taking it day by day

I’m someone who tends to live in the future, I always get ahead of myself. For some reason I can never seem to wrap my head around the present. I couldn’t see it before but I see it now, that I was running away from change. I thought I accepted change with open arms or I convinced myself to think that. It was easy for me to run away from anything unpleasant because I was afraid of the negatives. But how can you appreciate the good without dealing with the bad.

It isn’t to say that having hopes and aspirations for the future is wrong but not to limit yourself to that scope alone.

The terrifying part of learning to live in the present is learning how to deal with emotions you’ve tried so hard to avoid. And while there’s no guarantee of what tomorrow brings I can only take it a day at a time. I have to come to terms with knowing that there will be days where I’ll be terrified, feeling anxious, about all the things that can go wrong. But it’s also those days I need to realize that there are situations I have no control of. It’s those moments where I know I’ll be in my head and not in the present. And as much as I dislike clichés at times, you’ve only go up after hitting rock bottom.

And once you start taking it a day at a time, you realize, it’s not the end of the world. That things maybe aren’t as bad as they seem. You’ll start to take in the world as it’s meant to be. Life is something you have to be present to experience and as much as I want to withdraw to retain some control over what happens, it’s not how life works.

It’s when you get out of your head and step outside, you get to experience things that you didn’t think you were capable of experiencing.

And that’s just a constant reminder I have to tell myself. That even if I’m scared and terrified of what the future holds that things will turn out alright.

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A Long Way

I’ve come a long way from the beginning of this month. From being in the depths of sorrow and depression, I’m far happier now. It’s always after bad experiences that you learn the most about yourself. Even though those moments suck, they really do shape how you take on future experiences. I wanted to cry all the time and wanted to sleep all the time but I’m in a far better place than I was before any of this stuff happened. While I’m not going to go into depth as to what made everything far better. I will say that stepping out of my comfort zone has helped A LOT.

However, taking that first step is the hardest step you can take.

That’s the tough part about embracing change is taking that step. Change doesn’t happen passively, you have to actively seek out the change you seek. While I haven’t drastically changed to the ideal version of myself it does help when you’re surrounded by people who help you. I think the other part of changing your life is having those who are willing to help you pick up yourself after various shitty situations. The good thing about shitty situations is that you learn who is truly of good help or not and for that I’m forever grateful.

I’m terrified of change but I’m also excited about what the future holds. I know that it’s gonna be a long road to reaching the idealized version of myself. However, once you hit rock bottom you can only go up. *Optimism woo!*

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I need to remind myself every now and again, that hope will get me through everything. Even when I’m at rock bottom, things will turn out alright. I need to stop letting negative thoughts ruminate in my head. Anxiety is one hell of a horrible thing but I can’t let it control me. Which is also why I’m taking the time to disconnect. Not only from social media but from everything and possibly even everyone just to be selfish every once in a while.

My life shouldn’t revolve around others. I’ve always been a firm believer in that if I’m with someone they’re an addition to my life not a necessity.

I tend to forget that sometimes and become overwhelmed with my own obsessions, if you will. So if I’m not there give me time. And while I’m on the subject of time, I need to give other people time. I seem to forget that others might need some time away from me as much as I may need time away from everyone else.

I know there are things I need to work on in regards to myself. Hardships happen, they’re a part of life. I need to learn that there are things that I can’t control. Until I learn how to fully accept that I don’t think I can ever be happy. So here’s to a journey of self fulfillment.

All I need to remember is there’s always hope. If my hope help me overcome the tough times then I’ll succeed in surviving and overcoming every obstacle.

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Every now and then I’ll find my anxiety tends to get the worst of me. I’ve wanted to write about this for a while. While I don’t have clinical anxiety, my mind tends to jump from one conclusion to another. The best way for me to combat this anxiety that I face would be practicing mindfulness and being present. However, that’s particularly tough when your mind is constantly never in the actual present.

I do think one of the few things I can do is disconnect.

By disconnect, I mean stop myself from being present in all social media. The reason being that I give myself a mental break from everything that is out of my control. I need to focus on things that only I can control and not things I think I can control. If I can learn how to take a step back and breathe, then I can learn that I need to be present. Most of my anxiety roots from thinking about worst case scenarios in my head and thinking people might hate me. And it’s a horrible feeling, feeling like the whole world is against you.

While it’s something I struggle with from time to time, I’m going to actively try and fight these thoughts of negativity.

By this post I’m really putting myself out there as I don’t like talking about my personal battles. However, I do feel it’s necessary to talk about how not being present and living in your head CAN be harmful. I’m not saying those with general anxiety disorder can easily have their problems solved by this but it is a step in the right direction.

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Yet Again

It’s been ages since I’ve written in my blog. I promised myself that I would be more consistent with this. But alas, I was not true to my word. Bullet journaling is great if you can keep up with it. My issue was that I haven’t been great with my time management. I’m trying to figure out what works for me in that regard. I have however been working on writing portfolios and whatnot!

I’ve been meaning to work on my New Yorker blog and I should be doing that so maybe some time next week I’ll get on that too. As of now I’m still struggling with making time for things that help with my career. I’m almost done with one book and I’ll probably finish that by the end of this week too.

There was however, great news! I became published on Thought Catalog! And that was exciting hopefully I’ll be putting out more articles on there too!

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Before I thought happiness was a burst of positive emotions that would only be for a small amount of time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more a calm sensation that makes you smile every now and again. While happiness comes with the company one keeps, it shouldn’t be the only thing that defines it. In the past month, I’ve managed to come out a lot stronger than I thought I was. I also learned that no matter what, I have to retain my sense of individuality. I know where I make mistakes and that in itself is an accomplishment.

While our happiness shouldn’t rely on others, we fail to realize toxicity from others does affect our well-being in so many ways. There’s two types of negativity that people bring and I’ve learned to distinguish them by separating them into categories. The first type of negativity is when someone tries to put you down for no reason but to bring your spirits down. The other type of negativity isn’t negativity as much as concern where someone doesn’t want you to get your hopes down. The issue is that unless you’re putting yourself in life threatening situations it shouldn’t be a concern.

We only learn from life when we take big leaps without looking. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve managed to conquer my fear of heights and my next conquest is to learn how to dance. But on a more subconscious level my biggest conquest is to get over my anxiety of speaking about how I feel without worrying about what others think. I think that has been my biggest barrier with people.

While these problems may seem big at the moment, I know if I overcome them, it’ll lead to more happiness in my life.

I know that everything bad thing that happens can only be met by two reactions. To either stay stuck on something you can’t change or to learn from it. I used to dwell on things that weren’t in my control, which made me unhappy. Now I know that if I can’t learn from it or change it, then I have to move on. I can say that I’m the happiest I’ve been for a long time because I’ve learned happiness relies on myself. Even if it means I have to be a little selfish, I’ll take that chance. I know that when I do that, I’ll attract positive people in my life. In some pseudo psychological way, the law of attraction works in that regard.

Work hard and you’ll get what you deserve. Be selfish if you feel you’re not a top priority in your life. The saying is true that you can’t make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy.

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Emotional unavailability

If there’s one excuse I’ll never get, it’s the emotional unavailability excuse. It’s the equivalent to “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. To find out what it means, I looked it up on Google and Urban Dictionary.

According to Urban Dictionary, to be emotionally unavailable is to create barriers to make someone feel unloved/unwanted.

While this probably isn’t what it means to be “emotionally unavailable” in depth, it DOES speak of the affect it has. Saying one is “emotionally unavailable” is a way of not owning up to your true emotions.
Thing is these emotionally unavailable people are looking for a cop out. But would hate if someone did that to them. They fail to realize the key to success in relationships is commination.

The issue is, those who claim to be “emotionally unavailable” know what it is, an excuse.

These excuses will sabotage any chances at a healthy relationship in the future. They expect honesty and respect yet aren’t willing to give it to anyone either. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that.
Emotionally unavailable people need to focus on not being in relationships unless they’re willing to be selfless. Being in a relationship means being selfless and caring about another person as an equal.
It isn’t to say be attached at the hip but care enough to be straightforward. Until they learn to stop shifting the blame for their shortcomings or indecisiveness, they should stay away from relationships. No one wants to feel discarded, so they should learn to treat others the way they’d like to be treated.

The TL;DR for this is, “emotionally unavailable” is an excuse instead of saying you’re not feeling it anymore. 

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I have been slacking hardcore on this blog!

I know that I was supposed to be updating this blog Monday through Friday. For the past week I have been unable to catch a break and now I’m finally free(ish). I need to get back on my bullet journal that I’ve been neglecting but I will look at it and get back on track.

So for the past week, I’ve just been booked straight, I had my last work week which prevented me from logging everything. I also had my last personal training session last week. For once that workout did not kill me but now I know how to hold proper form while exercising (which I feel is the problem with most workouts!). I had a Shawn Mendes concert Saturday night, despite the fact that the website said it was sold out I managed to somehow get tickets to the show! Shawn Mendes is SUCH a talented kid, I’m impressed with the amount of talent he has. He also inspired me to continue pursuing what I love, which is, writing!

You might not get the recognition you want right away but it’ll be worth it because you’re doing what you love. Then Sunday I saw Matilda, which was a great play by the way. Anyhow I have a bunch of drafts saved for the posts that I’ve been meaning to post, so they’ll be up soon after I edit them.

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