I’ve been thinking about posting this for a long time and finally decided to do so. Now let’s talk about respect, a very necessary ingredient in any relationship (friendship, family or romance). From what I’ve observed is that while most people elicit respect in a familial or friendship level, very few do so with romance. While it isn’t obvious to the naked eye, there are minor signs where a person isn’t respected but we don’t see that until it’s too late.
Most people are so caught up in their perception of who the person “can be” rather than who they actually “are”.
We all tend to wear rose tinted glasses when we’re infatuated with someone. It’s also why once the “honeymoon stage” is over people tend to notice tiny behaviors they didn’t otherwise. We tend to gloss over unacceptable behaviors from people we care about because we want to believe they mean the best for us.
Behaviors that would be considered disrespectful are things like blaming a person for their emotional state or ghosting.
If there is respect, once you communicate your thoughts they will try to improve rather than shifting the blame.
Shifting the blame is the ultimate sign of disrespect. It means a person refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem that needs to be solved. However, in my experiences, it’s true respect must be earned otherwise others will abuse it.
If a person respects you, they will be straightforward even if it means that you’ll get hurt. While it may hurt, at least they value you enough to be honest with you. If there’s one thing to take away from this post is: without honesty or respect a relationship means nothing.
I always thought it was only love if two people felt the same way about one another. I’ve learned that was bs.
I’m a passionate person, I’m not going to stop myself from feeling anymore. If it’s not crazy passionate, then is it worth it? I know how I want love and I want nothing short of intense. I tried to convince myself that the love I crave is rare. But why should it be? Who doesn’t want to feel someone wanting them the way they want them?
From this day on, I’m done settling for something that’s short of romantic.
Why should I let the world drag me down? I want to live life through the eyes of a romantic. I want to meet someone who feels the same way. Someone who will fight for love because if there’s one thing about this world is that no matter how much it sucks, Love is worth it. Everything can be mediocre but love shouldn’t be.
I want to love a person who has that mindset. That love should never be taken lightly that it should be the awe inspiring thing it is.
It won’t be about me alone though. I want to give my significant other the same amount, if not more, love than they can imagine. Love can’t be measured and one thing about it, is it’s the light of life. It keeps us going through our darkest days, it should never be something easily thrown out. And no matter how many times I get hurt, I’ll retain a lover’s spirit because the spirit of a lover resides in one element: hope. Hope is something that is a drug to me and I’m fucking addicted to it.
No matter how many times the world tries to take it from me, I’m going to continue searching for that something amazing. That feeling to receive and give without feeling cautious about if it’s too much or too little because there’s no set amount.
I’m an optimist, that’s something I probably don’t ever want to change about myself. Personally, it’s my optimism and endless amount of hope that keeps me sane. But with any positive trait there’s a few things to counteract it, for me it’s self doubt. I’d say my cynicism but that’s more a trait to bring me down to earth every now and again with reality. Can you be a cynical optimist? No idea, but if you can, I’m a prime example of one.
Anyhow back to the self doubt, there was a reason I wanted to deactivate my social media. The reason being that in human nature, we tend to compare ourselves to others and scrutinize where we are in comparison. It isn’t to say I’m not happy for those who achieve greatness because I really am happy for them. However, I start to wonder, when will it be my turn to get to where they are?
I know when I’m partaking in that behavior, the hard part is fighting the feeling. If I don’t fight the feeling, I’ll end up feeling horribly about where I am currently. The only way I overcome these feelings is reminding myself that everyone follows a different time frame in their life. And that when the time is right, everything will fall into place.
For now, I just have to step back and breathe to regain my train of thought in those moments.
If there’s one thing I’ve wanted to try it was bullet journaling.
Bullet journals always look phenomenal when I saw them online but I was terrified to try them out. I finally decided to give it a go when I saw this buzzfeed article. While the article from Buzzfeed was helpful, it wasn’t as helpful as bulletjournal.com. The website goes into detail as to what to do and how to manage a bullet journal from the actual creator of the system. Being someone who is constantly bogged down with a thousand things to do, I’m hoping this will help me manage.
If there’s anything I love, it’s creating lists for myself but that’s also how I stress myself out too. So I always end up feeling like I’m not doing as much as I’m supposed to even if it’s out of my control. My first attempt at de-stressing will be this bullet journal, shortly after I’m going to try my hand on meditation. I hear meditation helps immensely with mental clarity so I’ll see when I can find the time to do so!
One thing I love about the bullet journal system is the appearance of organization it gives. I do hope the key works and I actually end up utilizing this system for the most part. If by any chance that does happen, I’m going to put up snapshots of the journal and how it helped. Welcome September of productivity!
Anyway, the supplies I’m using for this bullet journal experiment is a Peter Pauper grid journal. The writing utensils I’m using will vary from Sharpie pens to Muji pens, which I LOVE.
Before embarking on my disconnect from social media, I announced my disappearance just as a heads up. I was dismayed by the negativity I received. I ended up discussing that with my coworker, asking why people resort to negativity in the face of any change. He responded saying most people don’t want others to be happy. As much as I don’t want that to be true, I do think he’s right, most people are adverse to change and don’t want people to better themselves. It makes sense because if someone is doing better than them people either resort to one of the two options: 1) try bringing them down 2) try to improve themselves.
I will take it as a blessing as to who I should avoid in the future.
It hasn’t even been one day and I already know who to avoid. As time progresses with this transition I’ll learn my place with many friends and acquaintances. I do have to remind myself though, that this journey is for me, myself alone. I’m doing this so that I can grow a backbone and learn how to fend for myself. It isn’t to say I’m not going to be kind because that’s something I don’t think I can change about myself. However, I will be a little more guarded with my kindness because living in NYC (or anywhere for the matter), if you put others first they will abuse that power.
I’m going to be adding a progress log on this site to track what I’m up to, as I said before, I’m going to be adding most of my adventurous stuff on my other blog. If there’s anything that’s helping me through this transitional period of time in my life it’s my coworkers, few friends and my music. What prompted this disappearance was the song “Break The Sky” by The Hush Sound.
“Weight of days lost holding you down
You’ll look for me, but I wont be found
The blue birds flutter in my chest
Oh, they want to sing
You’ll have to break me open to hear anything
Before the world dies at my door
I’ll break the sky, for you and I are going no where
Kiss good-bye a dozen times before we give them
Why do I need anyone else?
When I can break the sky myself
Won’t be haunted by dreams I’ve deferred
Won’t set my heart frozen in amber”
The bolded lyrics in the song emphasize the effect I want to create and what I expect of myself. I need to learn how to pick myself up by the bootstrap and not worry about others. While I don’t know who is viewing this site or if it’s anyone I know, whoever you guys are, you’ll have an insight that others won’t have. I’m deactivating all my social media soon enough, I have all the phone numbers of the people I care about so it won’t matter if I continue using social media or not.
So there aren’t many things that bother me, except winky faces. They are the epitome of creepy. I mean who uses a winky face in real life while talking to someone? Imagine how weird that would look if someone were to do that to anyone. Now I’m someone who hates the winky emoji because it’s just outright creepy. Imagine someone saying through a text:
Person: Hey 😉
Ew. That’s cringe worthy in my opinion. See how a winky face changes the whole context of the sentence? A simple hey can become something that’s suggestive all because of an emoji. Now there are many other emojis people can use to be animated if they really wanted to be animated individuals like the smiley face. But the winky face? Nope, never. It’s just something that should never go in a conversation if one wants to be taken seriously.
Yes. I have a personal vendetta against that emoji, it might be because I’ve had way too many creepy online experiences where people think they’re being cute by using the winky emoji when they’re not. Look, I like people as much as the next person (which isn’t a great example because I’m pretty sure a lot of people don’t like people but I digress!) but these emojis just make things weird and awkward for the person receiving them. While there is one other emoji that bothers me: I’m talking about you, sticking out tongue emoji, that isn’t the issue at hand. My issue is that we must all boycott the winky emoji. Unless you’re all about openly creepy, in which case, by all means embrace your inner creep, you creep!
I want to say I know that you winky face users mean well, but in most cases, you really don’t so I’m not going to say that. What I will say is, remember every time you use a winky face to someone who is kind of a stranger to you, their “are you a creep meter” goes off. Keep that in mind every time you use a winky emoji.
If you choose to wink in real life, sure you’ll look a little weird but you’ll just come off as weird and not as creepy.
Save lives, don’t use the winky emoji.
If there’s something I need sometimes, it’s space and time.
I think some people equate me being an extrovert for me wanting to be around people all the time but that’s far from the truth. I’m someone who will eventually come to terms with things just give me two things and I swear I’ll be golden. Those two things would be space and time.
I don’t hate anyone, I just feel like I get exhausted dealing with everything that I need time to recuperate and figure out everything and put it in perspective. If someone were to force me to do anything, I would almost always do one thing and that is to simply not listen and do whatever the fuck I want. And honestly, I know how stubborn I can be sometimes. It’s not something I’m necessarily proud of but I know my own tendencies in my own personality.
That’s why if I disappear, it’s not you, it’s definitely me because I know that if I talk to someone when I’m in a sour mood I will almost definitely react in a volatile manner. However, if you give me time to just evaluate everything, I swear I will talk to you and we will be good friends. This case applies to all of my close friends, they understand that I won’t always respond but believe me if there’s an emergency or if they ever need a shoulder to lean on, I will always be there. I’ll be there for my friends if they need me because I care about them a lot.
I can’t speak for anyone but myself but give me space and time, and I will talk to you. Understand that I cannot simply be tending to everyone ALL the time because I do have other things to do and deal with.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for quite a while. For some reason, it’s difficult for most to believe that a woman wants to be single. Personally, I hate the dating landscape because it seems forced. We all tend to only put our best foot forward not knowing what will commence afterwards. But that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. I enjoy being single because I don’t need a relationship to validate my self worth, I don’t think I necessarily need anyone to make me happy.
That’s also why I don’t get why some people jump from relationship to relationship but to each their own. If I were to get into a relationship, my significant other would they’re an addition to my life rather than someone I absolutely cannot live without. I feel like I’m a complete person on my own with or without someone by my side. I have enough fulfilling relationships (aka family and friends) in my life. If I were to date someone, they would just be an extension of my friends except with romance. That’s also why I prefer romances that bud out of friendship.
When women say they’re not looking for a relationship, some people think, “oh let me try harder, maybe they’ll end up liking me through persistence.” To which I STRONGLY disagree with because NO ONE can force a relationship or feelings of any sort. No matter how much someone may cry, pout or throw tantrums NOTHING is going to come out of it besides eventually getting annoyed with the person.
I will agree that when women say they’re not looking for a relationship they mean one of two things: a) they’re not interested in you OR b) they REALLY don’t want to be in a relationship. (However, for the most part I think about 95% of the time, it’s definitely option 1, that we’re not interested.) If a woman does end up in a relationship, do not take it out on her saying that she led you on. When in reality she didn’t give any hint of her being interested. The issue with her directly telling a guy that she’s not interested is that sometimes a guy will end up taking it as a “let me try harder, maybe she’ll like me” or react in a volatile fashion.
While this can apply to both genders, this does happen with women more commonly.
I am certain that no one would appreciate it if someone was trying to force them into a relationship they don’t want to be in.
And THAT is why I wrote this post.
I haven’t updated this blog for a few days. I started my 30 day challenge on the day of the blizzard! This blizzard was one to remember as we haven’t had a storm as bad since 1996 but it’s actually the second biggest storm in New York City after the storm of 1886 I believe. I’m not sure but it was some time in the 1800s. NYC got about like 26 + inches, which being as short as I am took up most of my tiny legs. I did however do something new which was make a snowman! I named him Bob because I just like naming things Bob as that name is so underused at least from my knowledge. (Photos below the cut!)