Usually I try not to get too personal in my online writings but today I’ve decided to get personal.
As someone who struggles with finding balance in my life, I’ve struggled with either not caring about something or caring too much.
I can’t say that it isn’t a good quality when it comes to actually getting work done because when I’m determined to get stuff done I will get it done.
However, when it comes to caring too much about people, that’s a different story as no one can force someone to feel any kind of way. When I turn to the realm of feelings, I get consumed in them to the point of obsession, for a lack of wording. This intensity can play out in many ways: it can scare someone or it can bring them closer. With extremes of intensity anyone can get extreme responses. While everything in moderation is something that I should practice. It’s hard when it’s something that I’ve done my whole life. Old habits die hard.
I’m hoping to bring some change about in my life but I know hoping alone won’t bring any change.
Whenever I tend to get emotionally involved with people, I usually end up mentally exhausting myself. I put myself all in and expect the same response from people back. Unfortunately, I’ve learned with life or people in general is that the world doesn’t work that way. We have to make people earn certain behavioral traits such as trust or even kindness in some ways. One cannot just give trust so openly to others as it makes them vulnerable to others. It’s naive to think that just because one treats people kindly or “nicely” that others will treat that person in the same respect. I learned that the hard way. The same goes with love, one simply can’t give all their love to someone without them earning that love in some regard.
If we make people work for those things, in some regard they value it more because they worked for it. It’s something that I’ve actually come to terms with now. All of this comes to the topic of what I believe is the “art of letting go,” by that I don’t mean letting people go. However letting go of expectations from people and focusing on who is worth focusing attention on. Better yet it’s focusing on myself. I have to learn how to put myself first then deciding who is worthy of that attention or care.
Invested time wisely has a great payoff but wasted time is worse than losing money since there’s no way anyone can get time back.